Chronicles of a Mary-Sue in Slytherin
by Megan Hermione Lovegood
Summary: Amber Sparkles Indigo Moonlight Jones, the perfect gorgeous powerful Mary-Sue, has started at Hogwarts. Everybody loves her - except for Megan, a Slytherin girl who is the only sane one there. But Amber can't allow that! Everybody at Hogwarts has to love her, or suffer the consequences!
1. Meet our Mary-Sue

**Hello, friends. This story is not in the least bit serious. It's intention is to make you laugh, nothing more. I don't actually write like this. It's meant to be bad, the characters are meant to be OOC, and the Mary-Sue main character is supposed to be horrible. So sit back, relax, and (don't) enjoy!**

Hi! My name is Amber Sparkles Indigo Moonlight Jones! I'm really tall and really slim but I have really big knockers which all the boys love! I have huge Amber eyes which is how I got my name and really long silky hair that changes color but is usually bright sparkly purple! I'm really super pretty and all the boys love me so much but I only love one! I'm Harry's sister, Draco's daughter, Hermione's cousin, Ron's daughter, Dumbledore's niece and McGonagall's daughter! My best friend is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way (luv ya girl) who loves me even though I'm a prep! I'm eleven but I look seventeen. Today I moved from America to Scotland. I'm a witch, a Seer, an Animagus, a Parselmouth, a Metamorphagus, and I already know how to Apparate and conjure up a corporal Patronus (a unicorn) and I know twice as much magic as all the Seventh years! It's my Sorting today! Hogwarts knows how super extra special I am, so there's a ceremony dedicated to me and only me! YAY!

I walked into the Great Hall and sashayed over to McGonagall and the Sorting hat, winking at all the boys who were staring at me in rapture. Everybody was gazing at me adoringly, especially Harry, Ron and Hermione. But I ignored them because they're not good enough for me, and besides, I love Fred. As I sat down on the stool, I looked around the hall at everybody's adoring faces, and felt even more extra special than ever, until I saw the one face not looking at me. It was some stupid nerd at the Slytherin table. I knew she was a nerd because she had long icky brown hair and glasses. She was pretty, but not HAWT like me. And the worst thing was that she was rolling her eyes and thinking (I can read minds) "Aw, that's just bloody brilliant. Another effing Mary-Sue. And I already have Way to deal with! Let's just hope she's not a Slytherin."

I was outraged! This stupid nerd was insulting me and my bestie, Ebony! Clearly, I had to change this. And the only way to do that was to be sorted into-

"SLYTHERIN!" bellowed the Sorting Hat. There were moans all around because the other houses were disappointed that Slytherin got me. I was, too, because I'd wanted to be a Gryffindor. But changing this girl was more important. Everybody had to think I was perfect!

**Was that bad? I hope so. And in case you were wondering, the Slytherin girl is based on me. I hope you found it funny!**


	2. Idiot Nerd Girl

I sashayed over to the Slytherin table, their deafening shrieks of happiness and applause ringing in my ears. I flashed a dazzling smile at the HAWT boys over at the Gryffindor table, causing Ron, Neville, Dean, Seamus, Colin, Dennis and the Weasley Twins to faint into their dinners. I sat down beside the girl who didn't adore me. She was determinedly avoiding my dazzling sparkling amber orbs that were framed with a curtain of long black lashes.

"Hi!" I said brightly. "I'm Amber Sparkles Indigo Moonlight Jones! What's your name?"

The girl looked up from her nerd book and looked at me. Her eyes were an icky boring dark brown colour, just like her hair. She raised an eyebrow sarcastically and said, "I'm not obligated to tell you that. Now, go away. I don't associate myself with Mary-Sues."

"C'mon!" I pressed. "Tell me your name! NOW!"

She ignored me, continuing to read her stupid nerdy book. I knew it was time to turn on the Jones Charm. Mom had taught me it before she and the rest of my kind had been tragically killed in a huge massive like really big accident when I was but an infant. I pressed the heart-shaped jewel-incrusted birthmark on my hand and let out a wave of my irresistible charming powers.

"Now," I said sweetly, "you will tell me your name. Then, you will fall to your knees and begin to worship me, like you should, as I am infinitely superior to you. Got it?"

The girl turned to me, very slowly. She stared right into my luscious glowing dark golden orbs, and for the first time in my life, I felt uncomfortable.

"No." The girl said in a deadly whisper. "Your Sue-Powers will not work on me, for I am Megan Lycaster, daughter of Queen Lycaster, the powerful sorceress, and Likolas, brother of the awesome Legolas. And if you dare cross my path once more, your powers will fail to work on others, too, until you are left as _nothing._"

With that, she turned her head away from me and began to read and eat simultaneously. I twirled a lock of my shining, glowing, sparkling lilac waterfall of hair, and to my horror, I found that it was a dull brown colour. Panicking, I tried to change it back, but it wouldn't work. Even worse, when I turned around to look at the HAWT Gryffindor boys some more, they had all come to, and weren't paying the slightest bit of attention to me.

WHAT WAS HAPPENING TO ME?


End file.
